Trust & Type 1

Trust is essential in any relationship. It allows us to feel safe. It gives us permission not to worry; not to have doubt. When we have trust, we can rely on our significant other. As someone with type 1, I rely heavily on my medical supplies. But what supplies earn that trust? And how long does it take to earn it?

The glucometer.

This is the OG diabetes tech. It's what I've been using since infancy. When I was a baby, my parents used to prick my toes to test me (I was diagnosed at 13 months old). Because of this, my glucometer often feels like my lifeline. It's been there literally my entire life, giving me the data I need to treat myself. Granted, there are days that my numbers are so wacky that I stare at my meter in frustration and wonder, are you lying to me?

The meter has evolved over the years - becoming slimmer, quicker, and requiring less blood from my callused fingers. But the idea is still essentially the same. Prick the finger, get the number, react accordingly. I would say that I rely heavily on my glucometer - because I trust it.

The pump.

Coming along in my grade school years, the pump took some time to earn my trust. When it first came out, I remember writing in my diary in wonderment, marveling at the fact that I didn't have to use MDI (multiple daily injections) anymore. I remember putting my "very last syringe" in my memory box the night before my pump training. It was a huge deal for me.

Maybe because of this, I was crushed when I had a rough go of it the first time around. I struggled with highs; had one particularly traumatizing, painful, kinked catheter; and site changes for some reason terrified me. I eventually went off the pump for a year or two until my parents & I felt I was ready to try it again. I've remained a pumper since then.

But still, there are days where I feel that doubt niggling at the back of my mind. What if my pump malfunctions? What if I can't get my insulin? What if I get too much? Can I really trust this device functioning as my pancreas? Clearly, this doubt isn't significant enough to cause me to switch back to MDI, but still, it is there.

The CGM.

Thus far in my diabetic life I've had two CGM experiences - Medtronic Enlite and Freestyle Libre, the system that I currently use. I was weary of this tech at the beginning, and was adamant that I didn't want something else attached to me. I was also a high schooler, and annoyingly stubborn. As I got older, I began to grow curious. But alas, it wasn't meant to be - my insurance did not think that this (statistically proven life-improving) technology was "medically necessary." So, I went without until I enrolled in my own insurance this year.

If you follow me on Instagram or read my blog, you know that I'm in love with my little Libre. But it's a new love. It's still deepening. The trust still needs to grow. I get asked all the time, "So you don't have to prick your finger anymore?" And I wince, because I know I really don't have to as often as I do. But kicking an almost-26-year habit is hard.

To be fair to myself, there are discrepancies between the readings, and for the Libre it is recommended to check via finger stick before making treatment decisions. Still, there is room for improvement on my end. I feel the doubt trying to drown me, telling me "just make sure" or "just prick your finger, it's no big deal." I am hoping that with time, I'll develop a functional doubt:trust ratio.

Bottom line.

As human beings, we're comfortable with what we know. We are, in fact, creatures of habit. It's been my experience that people who were diagnosed at a younger age, or many years ago, are more familiar with the older tech and are more weary of relying so heavily on the new stuff. But those diagnosed during this stage of the game, where CGMs are the norm, feel much more comfortable trusting in their gadgets. A big part of this is about feeling safe. I feel safest testing my sugar the old-fashioned way, because it's what I knew for so long. 

My hope is that with time and practice, my trust will continue to deepen. My other hope is for you to know that if this is something you struggle with as well - you're not alone!